People Who Wear Sports Apparel Not Related to the Sporting Event They Are Attending

For Nick Mahon

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This guy! I don’t like this! Just because you are at a sporting event doesn’t mean you have to wear sports apparel. This is especially true if the sports apparel you are wearing is not representative of the two teams competing or even worse, the sport you are watching. For instance, take a look at this fucking guy. This fucking guy is watching a game between the Baltimore Orioles and the Kansas City Royals. The game is in Kansas City and is a playoff game. What is this turkey doing? First of all, is he a Royals fan, an Orioles fan, a general baseball fan, or an actual Marlins fan? If it is the latter what the fuck is he doing in Kansas City? Is he a Kansas City based Marlins fan? Did he travel to KC to watch this game? Is he an Orioles fan and figures orange is orange and who cares what the letters say? What the fuck is he doing?

Secondly, he is literally in the best seat in the house. How did he get that seat? You would think only a true Royals fan would shell out the cash to have such a prime seat. You probably don’t pick up those seats for the playoffs. Season ticket holders would have the first access to those seats when the playoff tickets went on sale. Perhaps he is wealthy KC business man who has jumped on the bandwagon and bought some expensive tickets. If that is the case why couldn’t he buy a Royals jacket? What the fuck is he doing?

Anyways…go to any major sporting event and there is some idiot wearing a Yankees hat at a Jays and Red Sox game, a Jays jersey at a Leafs game, a Marlins jersey at a Royals game. You don’t need to wear a baseball hat to a baseball game! They shouldn’t even let you in the stadium if any of your apparel isn’t reflective of the two teams playing. Perhaps all these people wear is sports apparel. That is an entirely different rant. For now if you don’t have apparel for the teams playing, wear a non sports apparel outfit.

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Fugly Clothes

2014-03-19 20.42.16This! This I don’t like! I can understand that not everyone has the same taste in fashion and style but what is this? Camo shorts and gramma’s comforter? I saw this in an actual store! Somebody got paid money to put this together! Maybe it’s the new Stevie Wonder collection? Shame on you Hudson’s Bay, shame on you.

Mannequins With Nipples

mannequinWhat the hell is the deal with this? I don’t like this! Do women actually consider what a shirt will look like with a raging case of titty hard-ons? What is the point of this? With nipple-less mannequins is anyone thinking “I like that shirt but I just can’t imagine what it would look like if my nipples were erect”? Also, I’m not gonna lie, sometimes I find myself strangely attracted to these weird faceless bodies and it makes me uncomfortable. It’s like Jessica Rabbit, I know she is a cartoon but she is hot and I can’t look away. How does that dress even stay on? Would her and Roger’s babies come out as rabbits or humans or a weird blend? Would she have a litter or just one? Maybe a litter of humans but only one rabbit? That would be cool. Remember those animated talking bullets in the movie, that’s my favourite part. That and the part when Doc Brown gets run over by the steamroller and then inflates himself (that sounds dirty) and then his eyes turn into daggers. That part is scary. The Roger Rabbit game for original Nintendo was good, really good. You had to tell jokes to the weasels to get away from them and you could drive around in Benny the Cab. The music was great too and you could walk around slapping anybody you wanted.

ANYWAYS, these mannequins definitely get a second glance, maybe that is the point, but I’m a man and not gonna purchase women’s clothes so really what is the point? And why are the nipples so HUGE?

davidThis really begs another question, why don’t male mannequins have huge erections? Then I could imagine what those pants would look like while trying to conceal an erection. There could be different styles of mannequins, full on, half chub, limp – imagine Michelangelo’s David with a pair of Calvins on (thank you interwebs).